The Love Talk-Part 1

Part 1-Privacy

So this is part 1 of a mini blog series that I want to share with you. The premise of these posts is just to give my thoughts. Spark conversation. That’s all. These posts are not meant to judge anyone or demean anyone’s life choices, or beliefs. These thoughts are MINE, so just ride with me. We may disagree, but that’s ok.

Ok, now that’s out of the way. Let’s chat.

Silence is a beautiful thing. Silence for some brings clarity, and being quiet gives the wonderful ability to listen. Listen to others, and listen to yourself. We live in a culture full of noise, and often it is hard to decipher fact from fiction, or what is serious from what is satire. In a generation of Facebook, Twitter, Insta and Tumblr, people put their entire lives up for the world to see. They call it being “authentic” and honest, but in all reality it stems from a lack of attention. They post for likes, and post for others to ask about them. They love being the topic of conversation. In relationships many times, it is the same way. Think back to your Facebook feed over the last 3 weeks. If you are anything like me, there has been love in the air. People are getting into relationships, getting engaged, having babies, all of that. We are saturated by information, and this overload can make it hard to know who is just putting on, and who is real. I remember a wise man telling me once that “if you see [a couple] online all the time, they are most likely not as great as what you see.” It was almost as if he was saying that the more you see, the more they are more than likely trying to hide. While I can’t prove the truth of that statement 100%, it does make a lot of sense. Why is it that couples/singles feel the need to let the world into their love lives? How does that actually help in the long run? I don’t see it. It seems to do more harm than good. That is why I think it best to privately love someone. It is so unnecessary to broadcast every step of the relationship, because in my opinion, you don’t leave anything special for your significant other. See, as I said before, we live in a generation that assumes that everyone has to know everything about them. If you’re not posting, snapping or whatever else you’re thinking of today, then life doesn’t exist. LIES. Sometimes privacy isn’t a terrible thing. It’s nice to be able to live your own life on your own terms. In relationships, I believe it to be so important to keep what’s yours just that. There is another side to this conversation, and in order to be clear I must speak to it. With privacy there often accompanies the thought that something sketchy is going on. Somebody is cheating or something. In reality, sometimes it is. Niggas lie. I’m a nigga. We’ve all done it (we will talk about that in a couple of weeks). However, that thought alone doesn’t give permission to assume the worst all the time. Take me for example, I live alone. I love it. I enjoy my privacy, and the beauty that comes with it. I have company at my home from time to time, but it’s my company, at my house. I also make for sure that those who are in my company know their place in my life, and what that entails. Having platonic friendships is a wonderful experience. I don’t have many, but the few I have, we kick it. Sometimes they stay the night, and wake up the next day, going about their lives. I don’t have to ask permission, or forgiveness for that matter. It’s private. My business. I am sure my neighbors know. But we have thin walls. If I was out here being a dog, somebody would know. In relationships, it should be the same way. Honest, and open, but only between those that matter. Let me be clear, I think that the only ones that matter are the ones in the relationship, and no one else. Talking to others clouds things, and makes the entire process difficult. Good or bad, don’t talk about it, just live it. Trust your partner. Have open and honest dialogue with them. I don’t need to explain to the entire world what I am doing or not doing, and who I am doing it with. It shouldn’t be something that needs to be talked about. Because here is the thing, no matter whether it is good or bad, as soon as something happens, everybody wants to jump in. You ever notice those couples that everyone can tell when they are fighting because you don’t see them posting on social media? It’s all love at first, selfies and all that shit, but as soon as something goes wrong, nothing. It’s stupid because the entire world can see that things aren’t well, so don’t fake it. I would rather keep it in-house. 

Example, and then I am done. I remember growing up, and I was very observant. I watched my parents and their relationship. They were, and still are GOALS. They love each other, and they love hard. My pop is the strong silent type, and my mother is a hood girl (don’t let the sweetness fool you). They have been through a lot in years that they have been together. I am sure of it. Some of it, I witnessed myself, other times I could just feel it. Call it telepathy. The thing that I never saw, and have still never seen, are these wonderful people to bring others into their relationship. What I mean is, they handled their business themselves, without all the other voices. There are so many people that look up to them, and their relationship. The reason? They keep it between each other and no one else. I remember my grandmother mentioning to me once that my mother had never once called her to talk about her marriage. That’s something that I love. I don’t have to talk about it to anyone but the person I am with, and that’s enough. So in order to assure that those around you are minding their business, shut up about it all. Just live your best life.

B.A. Scott