I had so much that I was going to discuss today. People have pissed me off this week, hurt my feelings this week, but also made me think about a lot of things as well. To be honest, it has been a rough couple of weeks. I haven’t really felt like myself, and something has just been “off”. I am still trying to come to grips with the reasoning for why it has been like this, but while I figure all of that out, life doesn’t stop. So that’s that.
I was talking about how life has been happening to a friend of mine this week, and then I started to put everything in perspective. Yes, I am not in a good place (or at least, the greatest). If I am honest, I am in this fight between my head and my heart, and it makes me sick. One day, I am totally good, the next I am not. This legit made me physically sick earlier this week. However, with all of that, there are a lot of things that I have to be grateful for. While not the complete list, here is a list this week of things that I am thankful for:
1. I am alive. This month is Suicide Awareness Month, and with that, I am aware that there are those that are no longer with us due to their own demons. I am equally aware that there are other forces and things that we are all dealing with that could take us out each day. I am currently dealing with some health concerns of my own, and I am still alive. I am still here. I have the opportunity to still make a difference in this world. For that I am thankful.
2. I am loved. Wow. I am coming to an understanding of who I am, and in that what I deserve. I felt like for many years, I didn’t know what that meant, and specifically what that meant for me. Because of that insecurity, I made decisions that could’ve negatively affected my life. I would do things because I craved the attention. I wanted to feel the connection. Whether that connection was mental, physical, or emotional, I would just do whatever, without thinking. Those days are far behind me, and I love who I am, and what I am. Those closest to me feel the same. So we good.
3. All my needs are met. The bible I read says that God will supply all my needs according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:19). This has been so true this year. I have literally watched God’s provision in my own life, and that makes me so grateful. I don’t deserve it, and I know that. For example, earlier this year I had lost my job. The place that I was employed gave me a generous severance package, but however, that runs out. For most of the summer, I was applying everyday to different places. I wish I would give a number of how many places I applied to, I stopped counting after 100 (that’s a fact). I was literally at the point of losing my mind (I broke down and wept at my friends house one day), and I finally got a phone call. It was to a place I had applied to back in April. The last place on my mind, but it was on God’s radar. I got a job (a management position I might add), and all my needs have been met. I haven’t missed anything, and no one could even tell that it had stopped. God is so good, yo.
4. I am still creating. It’s been quite the year for creation. I started a blog (which I hope you are currently reading haha), I am working on music, and I wrote a song yesterday. Creativity is my outlet when life gets to be too much, and being creative has been my help. I have played more shows this year than I have in the last 5 (I have played 6 shows this year), and I have been able to share my gift with the world. It’s so cool to meet people from all over the world due to music. If all that I get from it, that’s enough. I have started writing scripts, and working on short films. Being outside of my comfort zone has been awkward at times, but so rewarding. I am so deep now HAHA (Lies).
5. I am still growing.
6. I am not the man that I was. Just this, too. Trust me, you wouldn’t have liked me before.
7. I have really good friendships. A wise man once said that they would rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies, and when I was younger, I didn’t know what that meant. Now I completely understand it. I have a small circle, but they are quality. Whenever I have needed my small circle, that have been there for me. Especially all of the stuff that has happened this year. A lot of closest friends are females, and that can be a difficult thing to navigate. My homegirls are legit. Like for real. My homeboys are my bros, and these fools don’t take no stuff. They also keep me in check, and keep the crazy from coming out. Iron sharpening iron for real. They will call me on my mess, and also defend me when necessary. I don’t mind fighting for myself, but its nice to have a team that looks out for me. I appreciate all 5 of you LOL.
8. I don’t know what the future holds. Why would I be thankful for uncertainty? Because due to this fact of life, I have to rely completely on who God is. I spent so much time in my life stressing about tomorrow, that I missed out on the beauty of today. I am so in love with living each day to the fullest, I can’t be worried about nothing else. I have NO CLUE ABOUT ANYTHING, but that’s just the way that I like it.
9. My family is DOPE. Enough said. I am so proud to be a Jr., and we Scotts do it. Period.
10. ________. I could literally put 1,000,000 things in this line, but just know that from the bottom of my heart, and I so thankful. Perspective is a crazy thing. It makes everything easy. Life can be hard, but if we just add a little perspective, it makes everything better.
Last thought, and I am done…
I used to always call myself a realist, but I think that was just my excuse to negative all the time. Instead of seeing things as “half-empty” all the time, I decided to be happy that there is something in the cup in the first place. So drink up until it’s empty, and then go fill it up.