Home Sweet Home

this is old, but rings so true to me right now...

The good book tells us the story of young son, and the time he lost his way

He found his dad in the house, and said give me my money, and then he walked away

Now, the book doesn’t give us an explanation of his psyche, and how he reached the choice he did

It doesn’t tell us where his heart was, what he was running from, why he hid

But I think I understand just a little bit, who is he is, and why he left

I think I could even picture his daddy’s face, and that hurts like hell

But…

More than that, I think he had something to prove

Something more.

Something deeper.

Something great.

And when ever that greatest never manifested itself in his time, he thought it better to just escape

Maybe I’ll run away, start over, maybe I’ll just find my own way

Just leave and find a place where no one knows me, or sees me, no hears me, that would really be great

Maybe this is a shot for a reset…

Or was he already too late?

See, I totally understand it

I get it.

I know what it means to be a son

To have everyone and everything pulling on you, waiting on you to lead, and be “the one”

My daddy’s is a preacher, I love him with all my might

Pop I love you with everything inside of me, but there’s something I should speak up about, so that there is no surprise

It was hard for me to see this thing...

Everyday I woke up wanting to be you

Hoping my actions would measure up

Everyday I told myself it would be different

No sooner as my prayers ended, I messed up

Its hard to get in front of people like you do

My weakness is showing compassion

It’s hard for me to walk around knowing that, in spite of all my efforts

I am still a JR, and you’re still my dad

But…

This is not a piece to wallow in

Fact, I am eternally grateful for every step you took and how you lead

I am proudest son I can ever be, because without you there is no me

I found myself in a place not so long ago

I was lost, confused, unknown

I was doing everything that everyone told me that God had told them to tell me

Never hearing these words on my own

I was in ministry, I was serving, and singing, and playing

Seasoned words of the prophetic poured out of me, I cried real tears when I was praying

All of that never filled the void, never gave the clarity that I was needing

So I filled the space with empty promises, this double life sort of gave me feeling

I met a girl, knowing from the start that I didn’t want relationship, and I am sure it wasn't fair

I wanted so bad to feel needed, for someone to hear me, and it was there

I needed proof that someone, somewhere, out there, cared

So I gave in, and lost myself...

The reality of the story of the lost son didn’t become real to me

Until December 1, 2015

Came back in town from thanksgiving to a voicemail

My phone buzzed…” let’s talk”

I thought this was just another nuisance, cus just 3 weeks prior I told her I wanted to walk

God had begun to deal with me, dragging me back so he could change my life

And he told me to stop giving up my temple to someone who I never intended to be my wife

With that, she tells me 2 words, you can guess what happened next

So I asked what the intention was, analyzing what decision would be best

Fast forward to after time, still something missing, not normal

Maybe I just off balance, or depressed, hormonal

So I said God if you hear me, show me that I am still on your side

Give me meaning because there must be more than this depression where I currently reside

If you can’t, or you won’t

Then I know a solution, I’ll end it all

Fast forward to answers that I didn't want to believe, but reality set in

but in that reality came a real freedom, on to a new path I would begin

Just like the son in the story, I came to my mind

I realized it was not about me anymore, my pride had to die

I had to let go of my ego, I had to say sorry to people that I love, not sorry that it happened, but sorry for living this lie

What am I saying? This is it, I hope you understand the reason

Just that lost son I needed to escape, I needed just a couple of weeks for this season

Temporary became permanent

A lapse in judgements, forever changed

When I looked in the mirror, a reflection I see

I will NEVER be the same

This is for everyone who thought you needed to get away

For anyone who didn’t feel good enough, maybe you have strayed

I can testify to the fact that the one loved you, still does, he will never leave you alone

He longs for permanent relationship, he is waiting patiently for you to come home

With open arms and smile so big, he will give you all you need

With tender grace and mercy, he will answer all of your fears

I promise I didn’t come to preach to you, even though I too am a preacher

I didn’t come to break down a scripture text, for tonight I am not a teacher

Tonight I am just here to say that forgiveness is still a reality

When you feel you can’t stand alone, he will pick you up defying gravity

10 years ago, a song spoke to me, and even more so today

Songwriter said keep me where the light is, that’s my testimony today

I’m not perfect, but I am protected

I’m not without flaws, still forgiven

I’m not what you would have me to be, I’m what God wants

It’s because of him that I am still living

Hear me when I tell you it’s never over, ever again

Greatness is inside of each of us, no matter the obstacles, we can win

The grace that saved my life, is the same grace that covers all of your sin

It’s still keeping me every day of my life

Thanks for listening.

B.A. Scott