Refelct, Renew, Release.
So this is my last post of 2017….
When I started this blog this summer, I didn’t really expect much out of it. It really was just my place to vent, my place to talk, my place to give my opinion. Hence the beauty of having my own website. It is my own content, to say whatever I please.
My first post said this:
It simply spoke to something new, something that was, well, me. I have spent the past few years listening to what other spoke about me, and for me, so I figured it time to start speaking for myself. To let my thoughts and actions come out, and so I have. I am fairly proud of it, if I do say so.
As I reflect on 2017, I think back to it being a roller coaster. I honestly feel like I am breaking even. It’s not terrible, but also not good. There have been some high moments, and also some moments that rocked me to my core. Through it all, the one thing that I have learned is that whatever comes my way, I am built for this. I was created to be a culture changer, and with that comes unfortunate events. So I am thankful for all I have learned in 2017. Here are just a couple of things that I have learned:
1. Stand up for what you believe in, even if it is not popular. Earlier this year, I found myself serving at a church as a youth pastor. I was enjoying all of it, and God was moving in the youth group. The church that I served at is predominantly white, and while that didn’t seem to be a problem from the jump, something happened this summer that put a magnifying glass on some deep rooted issues in our country. That event? Charlottesville, VA. This event occurred, and I was angry. I used the platform that I have been given to speak on what happened. I called it “Charlottesville, VA”. The post itself got me in hot water with the church I was at, and instead of sitting down and having an actual conversation to address what it was that made me so upset, I was given an ultimatum. If you know me, then you know I don’t do well with those, and so I resigned. It hurt, but I couldn’t bring myself to be a part of a ministry that looked at something so heinous with such a calloused outlook. Nope. So I didn’t do it. I couldn’t do it. It cost me a position that I truly loved, but looking back at it, I would not have done it any other way.
2. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. I recently posted about my struggle with depression and anxiety, and how it was something that I had been dealing with for years, but just recently decided to get help with. In those moments, as I wrote out my thoughts in tears, I couldn’t help but ask myself why I was doing it. What would people think of me? How would it be received? All of those thoughts went through my head before I decided to publish it. The conclusion that I came to was that if I was to ever actually get help, I would have to talk about it. And so I did. As hard as it was, I did it. I am so glad that I did. The real conversations that I have been able to be a part of because of that post have been amazing. I have been able to not have to live in fear of a secret, and being open and honest with myself has been good for me.
3. New things are not always bad things. This year was one of transition for me, and unplanned anything is not something that I look forward to. With that, this year brought new things for me. New dreams, new challenges, renewed sense of self, and hope for the future. New things don’t scare me like they used to, and I am thankful for that.
4. I was wrong. So I put up a video when my sis got married about how I didn’t believe in love, and how I didn’t think I would ever get married. In the moment, those thoughts were genuine, and I meant every word. In the time since I posted that, I have come to other conclusions about life and love. I think I was wrong. There doesn’t have to be this list of rules to love. There isn’t a real rhyme or reason for it. It is simple. Love the person. Make them better for being around you. Tell them how much you love them. Show them how much you love them. Go out on a date, get back to the house and make a little love every now and then. Love is not this thing that you have to be afraid of. No love it perfect. It can be perfected though. No love is without work. No love is without the fights. It happens. Deal with it, honestly. If you are true to each other, then the love works. Period. With that, I am a firm believer in love. Now.
SO what does 2018 have in store? I don’t know. There are some things in the works that I am hoping go well. There are some things that I am afraid of. Through it all, I am trusting God with my future, and I know that his plans are perfect.
Happy New Year to you all!!